


Heart Crisis

by LaurysPrince



Category: Sanvers - Fandom, Supergirl (TV 2015), Supergirl (TV 2015) RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fix-It, Fluff, Happy Ending, Sanvers - Freeform, Sanvers is Engame, i guess, kinda angsty, sanvers fluff, sanvers works things out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-08 19:16:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12871230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaurysPrince/pseuds/LaurysPrince
Summary: Sanvers Story, post "Crisis on Earth X" :“Maggie, she was real. What we had, it was real.”“What if I made a mistake ?”“I wanna get back to Maggie.”





	1. Trust your instinct ?

**Author's Note:**

> Because Sanvers is endgame, and it's what we deserved.

[ After saving the Earth from a Nazi invasion, Kara and Alex said goodbye to their new Super Friends and went back to their Earth.]

 

 

 

**NATIONAL CITY, KARA DANVERS APPARTMENT :**

 

 

The whole dimensional portal thing was really a nightmare for Alex. Kara laughed when her sister ran to her bathroom before losing her stomach in the middle of the living room.

 

“Everything okay in there?” she asked her, still smiling behind the closed door.

 

“No!” Alex answered, grumpy and sick. “Feels like a situs inversus…”

 

“A what?”

 

“When your organs are in reverse… Never mind…”

 

Alex got up to clean herself at the sink.

 

“Your toothbrush is in the locker.” Kara reminded her.

 

“Thanks.”

 

On the other side of the door, Kara was texting J’onn to let him know they were back, warning Alex was a little sick though.

 

“Apparently the DEO didn’t have much alerts while we were gone.” she said, reading the text she got back. “A robbery at a coffee shop yesterday, but nobody got hurt.”

 

Alex opened the door, back on her feet, but with a mask of thoughts covering her face.

 

“Kara, can I ask you something?”

 

“Sure, you want a glass of water? I think I have medics for stomach pain somewhere…”

 

“Am I wrong sometimes?”

 

Kara didn’t answer, because she didn’t know what her sister was talking about, so she just stared at her, waiting for her to develop her question.

 

“Like, when I choose to act alone, and make a decision based on my instinct, do I ever make mistakes?”

 

“Just based on your instinct?” Kara asked again.

 

“Yeah, do I ever make mistakes?” Alex asked for good.

 

Kara didn’t really know why she would be asking that, also she didn’t want to hurt her feelings. But she told herself that if Alex wanted to know something she must have a reason.

 

“Well… Sometimes you can have a lack of… perspective, maybe?” she started to think with as much delicacy as she could. “Like... you’re missing the big picture, so there can be missing points during the process, or important considerations that you did not… consider…? But generally you’re right, that’s what makes you a good Agent.”

 

“Kara, you’re sweet thing, really, I love you when you’re sweet. But, have I been wrong before? And be honest, only the truth, brutal honesty.”

 

“Well you did almost die once, because of your instinct, twice, actually… or maybe more...” she recalled quietly. “Like when you tried to infiltrate Cadmus to help the Aliens and Jeremiah? Well not die, here, but about to be sent to the other side of the Universe.”

 

“And why?” Alex asked again. “How could my mistake be fixed?”

 

“Alex, what’s your point..?" The blonde asked softly now worried about the coversation. "What is it?”

 

“Trusting my instinct made me believe I could do it alone and save everybody, including my father. But in reality, I got him captured again and I couldn’t stop that space ship. You did. With the help of J’onn and Winn. I couldn’t have done it alone. Being a team, and working together, that’s how we got to fix my mistake.”

 

“Well, we’re a team, we’re better when we’re together.” Kara smiled, still not quite sure where she was going with this.

 

“And I can’t do this alone…” Alex whispered to herself now, like a revelation, staring the void between her eyes and the lost thoughts.

 

“Alex ?”

 

“I have to go.” She said with a clear voice, raising her head. That was almost creepy to Kara. That was the sign Alex was about to focus on attaining one objective and never stop until she gets there.

 

"Okay...?”

 

The brunette just kissed her sister on the cheek, and quickly walk out of the apartment.

 

“Wait, go where?!” Kara shout out before Alex couldn’t hear her.

 

“Get Maggie back!”

 

And she closed the door behind her, ran in the hallway and down the stairway.

No more running away.

It was raining outside, and windy enough for her hair to get in the way, but when she went to Kara's place before going on the other Earth, she had left her car a few steps away on the left.

Getting in, she turns on her navigation system and chooses her destination.

[122 Preston Boulevard, National City.]

 

Alex was used to drive fast, but this time it was a different feeling, like it wasn't enough. She was driving fast, but if she could drive even faster, or fly, or use a portal again, she would.

She almost passed a red light, but pushed the accelerator even more before she had to stop.

She didn’t have time to stop and reflect on her decisions again.

Entering the great Avenues, the traffic was a nightmare at this time of the evening. And the navigation system wasn’t able to find a way out, there was only this road.

“Dammit ! Come on !”

She was three blocks away from her destination, three long blocks. But now had two options : hopping to get through the traffic in time, or pulling over and running.

“You know what, screw it.” she told herself, forcing her way on the side, cutting someone else’s way and getting in the only parking space she had in sight.

Some dude was yelling, saying he was about to get in the place, but Alex didn’t have time for this. He could scratch the side of her car and burst the tires if he wanted to.

 

She just started running under the heavy rain of National City.

Dodging people passing by, sometimes almost bumping into someone and apologizing awkwardly by turning around quickly while still running.

Her race was in a hurry and unstoppable. She had never ran like that. Fast for sure, but in such a hurry, never. Sometimes she could feel like her legs were about to give up on her for a second, but if she stopped to take a breath, she may not be able to start running again. So she just kept asking for her body to hold on, for a few more minutes. One could see the fear and apprehension seizing her bright eyes from the yellow streetlights of the city.

 

 

 

**PRESTON BOULEVARD :**

 

Alex didn’t know how she got here, but she could now see the façade of the building. It looked like all the lights were directed on it, and only this place existed in town. But she didn't have the code.

"Dammit...!"

Karma seemed to be on her side: an old woman was about to get out with her umbrella. Alex runs to the other side of the street just in time before the light turns green for the cars, and quickly hold the door to the old lady, with a smile.

"Thank you young lady." she said.

"No problem."

In fact Alex should be the one thanking her, because she was entering the building without needing a code.

She remembered, 4th floor, and was about to lose a lung.

“Oh please…!” she sighs heavily, seeing the elevator was going up to the 6th floor.

Apparently Karma couldn't stay around for eternity, so she took the stairs. She hadn't  run all the way here to patiently stand there.

 

After climbing up what seemed like the Himalaya, she arrived at the right door.

Apartment 401, first on the right.

And she knocked.

But suddenly, her head started to spin. What was she going to say ?

Somebody opened the door. But she didn't expect it to be him. Christopher. Well, Chris for his friends, one of the best Detectives in town. And she didn't expect him to be dressed in a onesie and holding a x-box controller either.

 

“Alex ?” he said, mostly surprised to see her here, especially at this time of the day, and also completely drowning in her cloths.

 

Alex was shaking because of the cold water drooling from her hair to her face, her eyelashes just kept dropping the rain they couldn’t hold down her cheeks.

 

“Hey Chris.” She said after taking a few breaths.

 

“What- What are you doing here?” he worried, seeing her almost freezing here. “Something happened? Why are you-”

 

“Is Maggie here?” she asked, scary determined but still with a soft voice. "I mean... can I see her?"

 

“Maggie… She's-”

 

“I know she’s crashing at your place. She told me a friend would let her crash here before… before, whatever… Can I see her? I need to talk to her, I- I have to talk to her.” She insisted, regaining a bit of control.

 

Christopher hesitated for a few seconds. Not because he didn’t want her to talk to Maggie, far from that actually. He always covered for Maggie after their shifts so she could leave the station early to pick up Alex. He even helped her prepare that fancy ballroom on Valentine’s day… But something was just not right.

 

“I’m… I’m sorry, Alex, really I-”

 

“Look, Chris, I know, I know you can disagree, and pick a side if you want. I won’t blame you for that. But I really- I need to see her, please…!” she begged him, grabbing his hand in desperation.

 

“Alex I’m sorry… Maggie left. Like, 2 hours ago.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, don't scream right now, read Chapter 2!!


	2. Follow your Heart

"I need to see her please…!” she begged him, grabbing his hand in desperation.

 

“Alex I’m sorry… Maggie left. Like, 2 hours ago.”

 

* * *

 

 

And suddenly the weight of the rain was nothing compared to this painful feeling Alex had to support. And in Chris’ tender friendly eyes, she could see the reflection of her failure. She just failed.

For the second time, she had lost the one thing she tried to reach again tonight.

 

“I’m really sorry, I thought she would have told you before going to the airport.” Chris said very softly, feeling guilty for some reason.

 

“No, don’t, don’t try to apologize, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Alex said to him right away. He was such a sweet man and so good to Maggie. Her best friend, really. “I know how much you care… I- I just... I didn’t know…”

 

And she stopped, feeling her eyes burning because of the tears she had been fighting all along.

 

“I didn’t know I needed her so much…” she said, breaking her shield and letting Chris stepping forward, hugging her with his supportive arms.

 

“Alex, come on…” he whispered, encouraging her to just let herself feel everything she had to deny.

 

And while Alex was thinking about all the things she just lost in an instant, Christopher looked at his watch, raising his eyebrows while thinking.

 

“You know what...?” he said, counting the hours in his head. “I think we can still fight against time.”

 

Alex raised her head as he showed the keys of his car.

His police car.

 

 

 

 

**GERAT ROADS OF NATIONAL CITY :**

 

 

Chris and Alex were driving with the police’s siren turned on, clearing the road for them to get to the airport as fast as possible.

 

“Isn’t that illegal?” Alex asked, as if she cared, but truly didn't.

 

“Are you really complaining right now?” Chris laughed, turning next street on the right.

 

“What time is her flight?”

 

“8:15” he remembered, also looking at the clock in his car. “That means in 20 minutes.”

 

“Dammit where is Supergirl when we need her…!”

 

“I know right ?”

 

Chris changed line, zigzagging between cars, now on the roads heading to the airport outside of town.

 

 

 

**NATIONAL CITY AIRPORT :**

 

 

The halls were so crowed, Alex didn’t even know where to look, she already passed by 10 short girls in leather jackets with long brown hair hoping it would be Maggie, but it always took her less than a second to figure out it wasn’t her.

She would recognize her anywhere.

And now they just announced the last call for Grand Island, Nebraska, Hall 6. And Alex could feel her blood running through her body as she ran to that hall. Again, almost bumping into people and suitcases, finding her way through the messy crowd.

“Excuse me… Maggie? ... Maggie?!”

And the moment she could finally see that _one_ door, she felt like she could fly too.

Door 36, Grand Island, Nebraska.

She was about to stop Maggie and not let her get in that plane at any cost. She couldn’t let her go again, or lose her again.

 

“Maggie?!” She kept shouting, trying to send her voice in that hallway heading to the plane. “Wait! Don’t close the door! Maggie?!”

 

But the last person gave their ticket, and the door got closed, and no matter how fast she was running, and how many times she shouted out to not close the door, Alex found herself staring at an empty space.

The number of the door 36 stopped shining, and so did the spark in her eyes.

 

“Please I need to get on that plane!” she said to the woman taking care of the validations.

 

“Do you have your ticket ?”

 

“No, no I’m not a passenger.”

 

“Ma’am, you can’t get on a plane without a ticket.”

 

“No you don’t understand! I need to stop someone from getting on that plane!”

 

“I’m sorry, we’re already about to close the access to the hallways. Maybe text them.”

 

She answered with a very unnecessary smile, just leaving the brunette there alone.

Alex couldn't believe it. She was so close to Maggie, maybe a few steps away, but she couldn't get to her even after all this crazy race.

 

Now going on her left, toward the great windows, Alex could see that one plane getting prepared. Separated from the hallways, ready to leave through any minutes.

 

“They delayed my flight.”

 

Alex felt like the whole world ceased to exist, except for that one voice bouncing in her head.

Was it real ? Or was her mind just messing with her desperation ?

She turned around to face the one woman she’s been looking for like her life was depending on it.

Actually, _because_ her life depended on it.

Maggie was just standing still, one bag on her shoulder and holding the handle of her suitcase on the left along her leg. She was wearing her jacket and a scarf, her long hair weaving down effortlessly.

But her eyes were just so dark. The light Alex used to see was gone and there was just this unexpressive look staring at her. She looked sick. Unhealthy. Her skin was really pale and her hands looked fragile, just like the way she was standing...

 

Maggie was really tired, and broken, but mostly so tired of being broken.

Her bag felt heavier than it really was, almost breaking her shoulder. But Maggie knew it was because she was feeling weak in her entire body.

Her scarf wasn’t covering enough of her neck, it was itchy, irritating. Too long for her, and always falling on one side of her body…

And what was Alex even doing here? Like... really? Maggie didn’t have the strength to try to answer, or to even think at this point.

At first, hearing her voice sounded like a long-lost regret. But now seeing her was a painful reality.

All that time she spent in Chris’ apartment, barely eating anything, laying down and not moving for hours, trying to keep her mind in her dreams were nothing was hurting… She just wanted to sit down in that plane and wake up in her Aunty‘s warm arms.

 

“Maggie…” Alex whispered, like she was hallucinating her greatest dream.

 

Maggie didn’t say anything, she really, honestly couldn’t even move.

 

“What… why aren’t you…? Why aren't you on that plane, I thought-“

 

“Delated.” Maggie said again in the most emotionless voice she could find while looking down at the void between Alex and her. She'd rather look at nothing than into those eyes that used to enter her soul.

 

“Oh thank God…!” Alex sighed greatly now letting her shoulders relax for a second.

 

“What are you doing here, Danvers ?” Maggie found the strength to ask.

 

Alex felt like she was talking to a stranger. The ton of her voice was so simple, so neutral. Maggie was comparmentalizing her feelings and set of mind. She used to do this before. Before everything. And during every hurtful events and painfull memories she'd avoid in order to stay protected.

And now Alex understood de worst truth to ever be : she was one of Maggie's painful memory. She was protecting herself from her. Maggie was afraid of Alex. Like she was afraid of her father, of Emily, of her ex-best friend... Alex was part of those who destroyed Maggie.

 

\- “I…”

 

Alex didn’t even know how to talk to her anymore.

How could she not talk?

She knew why she was her. To get her back. To bring her back home. To build her heart back together and treasure Maggie like her own mean to live.

She knew it. But looking at Maggie being so shielded, in that bubble where she wasn’t welcome, she didn’t know how to say it.

 

“Do you know we have brain cells, neurons, in our heart?” Alex just started to say without really thinking.

 

It wasn’t what she planned at all, but she couldn’t find any other way. And Maggie didn’t even know what to really reply to that now.

 

“… What ?” she just said back in a sigh.

 

“Yeah, crazy right? Scientists found out we had neurons in our heart.”

 

“What... Alex, what...? Just. Get it over with. What's your point?”

 

“Everybody tells me ‘trust your instinct’. And even I, wanted to trust it. But… Instinct can be so… abstract, you know ?” She stepped forward, while Maggie was just standing there, hand gripping her suitcase. “My point is... you can make mistakes following your instinct. You can be wrong, because, really, you’re just following a blind feeling that only includes your own judgment on the moment, something that’s just not really here. It's a no-brainer. It seems like it’s here, but it’s not… I- I can’t feel it, it’s just… not here… But, my heart…?”

 

She carefully reaches for Maggie’s hand, looking deep into her eyes, making sure she had her consent to break that shield.

Maggie had closed her eyes the second Alex touched her. She felt a cold flow of chills painfully run down her spin.

That soft feeling, she still had ghost dreams about it. Sometimes, she could feel a veil holding her, but as soon as she opened her eyes, that veil was gone, and she regretted to even wake up.

Alex, still as carefully as she could, guided her hand toward her chest, and Maggie released a great silent breath as she feels Alex’s heart beating against her skin. She tried so hard not to show her emotions...

 

“My heart, is right here.” Alex continued, peacefully, still looking at Maggie, trying to catch that light again. “I can feel it, and it is always… real. It’s real. My heart is everything I truly am. It jumps when I’m scared, and it beats faster when I run, and it breaks when I’m hurt… My heart is real. And it never lies. And Maggie… I had never felt more real and true, than when I am with you.”

 

And it was true. Alex’s heart was now passionately in harmony with Maggie’s beat. It was strong and clear, peaceful and determined. Maggie's heart was trying to beat the same melody, and it was hurting her, because it hadn't been beating this strongly since she last said goodbye to the love of her life.

There was no doubt. Alex’s heart. And Maggie's heart. Both were right where they needed to be.

 

“I don’t care what anyone says about it.” Alex smiled, looking at Maggie. “I know what my heart wants, I know what I, Alex Danvers, want.”

 

That’s when Maggie found the force to let her eyes look back into Alex's. That's when a shy a scared light started to shine again. Like her soul was being awaken slowly and carefully.

And Maggie could feel it inside of her. That warm feeling she decided to ignore for as many months as she would need to. But how could she close herself to it when the fire really is being enlightened inside of her again? Even through all the pain and the fear.

 

“I am, so sorry, Maggie.” Alex said, with all the honesty she could ever gather into one sentence while still holding her hand against her chest to communicated that truth. “I thought I needed to plan a future for myself when really, the only thing I can do is share a path full of twists and turns… You’re the other half of my broken heart, Maggie.”

 

“My God Alex…” Maggie whispered painfully, letting her head down about to broke into tears and alarming Alex. “Please don’t do this to us… Letting second thoughts control your reason, and giving me false hopes again when I know I’m not enough-”

 

Alex let go of Maggie’s hand immediatly and went for her cheeks, holding her face in both of her hands. She couldn’t let her think that of herself, not anymore.  
“Maggie, look at me. Look at me.” She insisted softly, helping her raise her head and eyes to her. She kept talking to the fragile woman in front of her with a soft whisper and tearing eyes. “I can’t have it all without being whole. I can’t do it alone. I don’t want anything, if it means I can’t have you by my side... I need you more than I could need to breathe.”

 

Their foreheads were now resting against each other, connected, letting the two women breath close again. It was like breathing into the clouds, were everything was clear and pure.

 

“I can’t picture any more futures without you in it.” Maggie whispered her eyes closed.

 

“You don’t have to.” Alex answered, holding her neck to get her closer.

 

Alex went forward, and leaned in to kiss her with passion. Receiving this kiss, Maggie exhaled all of her doubts and seized Alex’s hair, still soaked by the rain. They never forgot the sweet taste of their lips, nor the warmth of their tongues. Head spinning and almost defying gravity, they were alone in this world.

Their lips separated for a short moment to find their way back to each other again deeper and stronger. Alex took Maggie by the waist with a protective hand, wrapping her body close against hers, afraid to even let go again, and by the side of her neck gently. And when Maggie felt that strong and reassuring love from Alex, she let her hands get lost around her neck, feeling her every pulse and keeping her close to her as well.

It was like falling in love again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Try reading the airport scene while listening to "Home" by Morgxn!


	3. Walk By Your Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The "post-reunion" chapter.
> 
> They'll talk about the whole "Crisis on Earth X" journey, including Sara... And about the work they want to do for their relationship.  
> Maggie will open up about how her perspectives on life, helping Alex understand what they can do for each other.

 

They didn’t fall asleep that night. Not because they couldn’t, but because they didn’t want to. It was like trying to regain all the time they had lost.

They made love, a lot. Kissed passionately, so much. Talked sweet and soft, a little.

 

Alex took her time to kiss every inch of Maggie’s body, so she could be hers again. Her Maggie. Her strong Maggie. Her beautiful Maggie.

Maggie on the other hand, needed to touch Alex in the most vulnerable way. So she caressed all of her body, wondered every sensitive and responsive part of her. Wanting to make one with her again. Alex wanted her. Alex needed her. Alex loved her.

 

They spent their night rediscovering each other, taking each other, releasing each other. Like a ritual to clean them from the pain and the hurt.

They needed to make sure this was real and true, like the forever they always had.

 

 

Maggie had her body against Alex’s, arm around her body, a hand against her chest feeling her heart beating, holding her close.

Alex would never want to be in bed alone again. Maggie’s presence was the safe home she needed. She loved feeling her breath behind her neck, the calm heartbeats against her back, the warmth of her skin along her legs.

They just stayed quiet and relaxed like this, for what seemed – for them – like forever.

 

 

An hour later, Alex turned around to face Maggie, who wasn’t asleep either. And they just smiled softly, looking at each other for a long time.

Observing all their features, every little thing they loved. Without any words. They didn’t need to talk, they just wanted to see their lover, peacefully.

At some point, Alex caressed Maggie’s soft hair, curling her fingers and playing gently. And Maggie touched Alex’s cheek, feeling her small muscles as she softly smiled to her.

They didn’t care about the time, all that mattered was being in the moment together, and nothing else.

 

 

Eventually they got hungry, so Maggie got up first, forcing Alex to get out of bed too, taking her hands and pulling her out of the sheets while laughing as she procrastinated.

When she did, Alex took Maggie by her waist, encouraging her to come back and sit on her lap facing her. Maggie softly settled on top of Alex, and let Alex kiss her with passion and care. Maggie placed her hands in Alex's hair and softly caressed her.

 

After that they ate toasts and eggs, drank tea and then kissed a lot again. Maggie started to caress Alex’s waist, pressing her against the kitchen counter, pressing her body closer to hers, and Alex couldn't resist so much attention and need from Maggie's soft words, and decided to guide Maggie to the bathroom.

And they made love again in the shower, letting the warm water run down their bodies. They kissed wild, held close, touched hard.

 

 

They spent the rest of the day in the apartment, only wearing their bathrobes because they wouldn't need them for long and needed to be able to touch each other's skin freely. They also let their hair dry naturally and stayed barefoot despite the cold floor. But this only gave them an excuse to get closer.

 

They crashed on the couch at some point, then decided to stay on the fluffy rug with a bottle of wine and crackers, jazz music playing in the background.

 

“Wow. Nazis?” said Maggie again, not believing anything Alex was saying.

 

“I swear, it was like… crazy. So weird. Like they just came out of nowhere and vaporized the Priest.”

 

“But why where they here? Wait, most important, where did they came from?”

 

“Okay so, hold on.” Alex said, filling Maggie’s glass again and moving her body to get more comfortable. “You’re gonna need that… Okay, they came from one of the other Universe, right, like Barry and the team. An Earth called Earth X…”

 

“Spooky.” Maggie answered, faking being surprised and breathless.

 

“Where the Germans won the war, and now the world is a giant Reich preaching their Fuhrer like a God.”

 

Maggie was staring at Alex, unable to imagine that kind of thing.

 

“That’s… fucked up.” She just said.

 

“Yeah, and the other Kara was the General, married to the Fuhrer…” Alex added the nose in her drink.

 

“Okay, now I’m about to throw up, where are the crackers ?”

 

She picks one offered by Alex and takes a bit. There is a short silence, until Maggie looks up at Alex.

The lady was staring at the rug, playing with the hairs. She looked sad, or at least not really good in her mind. There was something she was hiding, and Maggie could see it.

 

“Alex ?” she asked softly.

 

“Hmm ?” the brunette answered, raising a fake awoken look to her. “Yeah ?”

 

“What is it ?”

 

Alex lost her mask, showing a mix of shame and fear. Maggie knew that look way to well. And she hated that it was instinctive for her to be able to read people's facial expression, the non-verbal communication.

 

“What else happened on that wedding ?” she asked more precisely.

 

Alex hesitated. She didn’t want to hurt her, or lose her again, or harm her in any other way. She just got her back. So she faked a smile and shakes her head, closing her eyes.

 

“It- It doesn’t matter. Not anymore.” Alex tried to convince herself.

 

“No, it does.” Denied Maggie still looking at Alex's features, gently insisting for her to talk. “I can see something is bothering you.”

 

“It- It really doesn’t matter anymore, it was- it was just… it doesn’t matter.”

 

“You’re afraid to hurt me... Because of it?” Maggie tried to make Alex confess.

 

“Maggie, please, let’s not talk about that.” Alex almost begged her.

 

“It’s not just about me." Maggie understood quietly but surely. "You’re really trying your best to hide it inside... It’s like you’re so ashamed of it you can’t even look at me, Alex?”

 

And she was right. Alex had stopped looking at her. Hiding, her eyes away, head down and distracting herself with the rug. She wasn’t ashamed of it because of herself, but because of the repercussions it could have on Maggie.

She forced herself to look up, seeing Maggie was getting worried for her. She was so selfless, even after everything that happened she was still the one protecting her from getting hurt.

 

“Is it about Sara ?”

 

Alex almost fainted on the side. How could she just read her mind so easily, it wasn’t fair. And even if she tried to hide it for a second, she shakes her head again, trying to wipe the shame away.

Maggie saw that, and she nod slightly.

 

“I see.”

 

"Maggie, I’m so sorry…”

 

“You’re sorry ?” she asked again.

 

“It happened once, we were both drunk, and I was… really in a bad mental state, I was trying to… make things go away… and I was-“

 

“Single. Alex.” Maggie cut her right away. “You were single."

 

And Alex raised her head to look at Maggie with surprise. Her beautiful woman was not even mad, or sad. She was just looking at her so simply.

How could she not be mad ?

Maggie smiled just a little.

 

“Alex. Honey, listen.” she said while taking Alex's hand softly into hers. “I’m not gonna say that I’m happy about it, that would be a lie. But it would also be hypocritical of me to not look at the facts."

 

"Facts...?"

 

"It’s very common... to use sex as a substitute after a break up." She finally said and sent Alex a shiver of embarrassment. Technical sex talk wasn't her favourite thing. "Especially when this break up was brutal, and unwanted. You’re just trying to feel something else than terrible and sad and miserable... And I know you’re the science nerd, but if I remember my personal experiences well, the most efficient way to avoid grieving miserably is by finding an easy way to release more serotonin... And sex is a really good dealer.”

 

Alex sigh for a second. She was so mad at herself. Maggie was way to kind, so selfless it was almost annoying sometimes. The fact she wasn’t mad was making Alex so frustrated. But Maggie was honest about her feelings.

 

“One-night stands happen. To a lot of people.” Maggie added, still taking care of Alex’s hand, caressing her. “Happened to me more than once. It’s spontaneous, and meaningless.”

 

“Completely meaningless.” Alex wanted to say again to insist.

 

“It’s a very selfish thing to do, when you think about it.” Maggie thought almost smiling, while pulling Alex’s arm so she would get closer to her.

 

Alex moved toward her a little more, put her other hand on Maggie’s knee, rubbing her thumb on her leg. She looked deep into Maggie’s eyes and saw the only reassurance she needed to really accept her action.

 

“You’re not mad at me ?” she asked almost in a whisper.

 

“I’m not mad at you.” Maggie confirmed before giving her a kiss. “I just have a question about it though…”

 

“Anything.” Alex desperately said, ready to erase all worries off of her beautiful lover’s mind.

 

Maggie let her head fall of a second, like if she was looking for her words. Alex was impatient, she didn’t want her to think she had feelings for Sara or anything like that. Her heart was only hers, everything was only for Maggie.

She raised her head back to look in Alex’s eyes, making sure her question was heard.

 

“Did you do the walk of shame?”

 

Alex just stays stoic, her brain court-circuited for a very long second. And Maggie just lost her serious face and started to laugh like never before, almost falling back. Alex didn’t even know what to say, she turned red and felt so stupid when she thought Maggie was about to ask a life or death question.

Maggie was just laughing so hard it was hurting her stomach, but she was so proud she could prank Alex. She knew she was still not over it, but she saw this opportunity like an angel falling from the sky. Seeing Alex’s nervously relieved expression was her new Grail.

She loved her, she really did. So much. And she didn’t want her to feel ashamed or to be scared around her. She was so in love her heart was jumping out of happiness.

 

And they just moved on from there, now talking about Kara’s latest article that Maggie read, then James’ nomination for Best Press Photographer, and about J’onn‘s father that Alex wanted her to meet.

And maybe at some point, they talked about dogs.

 

“That’s still on the list, right?” reminded Alex. “Gertrude?”

 

“It’s a terrible old French name, and I love it. You’re such a nerd.” Maggie laughed. “But I’m warning you, Gertrude has to be a strong and big dog.”

 

“Oh yeah, totally. I want to be able to play with her without breaking a bone.” Alex agreed completely.

 

“But it also has to be a kind dog. Just in case.”

 

Alex tilted her head.

 

“In case… what?”

 

“Well, just- in case… I don’t know, maybe… One day… when things are right… Gertrude could have… a brother. Or a sister.”

 

Alex tilted her head again, with incredibly confused and hopeful eyes.

 

“Like… Dogs siblings, or like… human, kind of siblings...?”

 

“Maybe, I don’t know.” Maggie quickly answered, taking her drink close to her mouth to avoid some kind of thing.

 

“Are you…? Wait. Maggie. Are you considering it?”

 

“Maybe, I don’t know, I’m not completely… Like it’s a very abstract concept to think about for now. For me…”

 

“But you’re thinking about it.”

 

“I mean… sort of? Yeah? Maybe? I don’t know!” she kept avoiding.

 

Alex was containing her smile so hard she had to bite her lips to not make Maggie run away from her. Though she couldn’t talk, or a very low-frequency scream might come out instead.

Maggie then sigh because she knew Alex wanted her to be clearer about that.

 

“I- may be… thinking about it, sometimes. I mean… it’s not easy, because it’s like a very unclear image to form for me at the moment.”

 

“Look I’m… I’m happy you’re thinking about it, Maggie, I am… But I just- I don’t want you to force yourself.”

 

Maggie had more of it to say. So she cleared her throat and sat in front of Alex again.

 

“When I crashed at Chris’s place, the first thing I did was calling my Aunt. To talk to her, and get some comfort, advices and mostly her wisdom… So I told her what happened, and why... And she was supportive And all. Always... But at some point, right before we closed the subject, she said, _‘By the time you’re 50, you will have seen everything you wanted to see, and achieved everything you wanted to achieve. Because you're ambitious and a gold digger. The picture you had for yourself, it will be completed, and you will be proud of yourself. And after that, I hope you’ll have a new picture for the next 50 years. And I hope it won’t be a single portrait.’_ … And, I don’t know, it… made me think about a lot of things. About- myself, as a person.”

 

Alex now was just genuinely interested. Maggie never really talked a lot about any of this. She’s always been very private, and even when she was opening up, she used to resume her thoughts, letting a lot of the story behind. But here, it looked like she was about to take a new shield down. So she let her talk.

 

“When you grow up with the kind of insecurity that I have, you need to find something to control." Maggie kept  trying to explain. "Something that you can't lose. It doesn’t matter what other people can do to you as long as you have that one thing to hold on to… When my parents, my best friend, and my surrounding just disappeared from my life... I somehow, through my Aunt, found that thing I would be the only one in control of. And that was my life. As in- my future, and what I’ll do in life. My job, travels, what I buy, what I eat… Because people… I can’t control what they think of me, or what they do to me. So If I couldn't control my image in the eyes of others or the esteem they had of me... then I would control my life, my person, my dreams, only my own life on my own terms.”

 

Maggie did not realize it, but she was playing with the glass of wine in her hands, like a little girl playing with a toy, distracting herself from her own thoughts. While Alex remained completely focused on her, listening everything she was saying.

 

“So, I always build my life with clear and assured plans for myself. And I don't care if it turns out to be bad or unpleasant, because as it was _my_ decision for myself, I'm the only one I could blame. So it's less traumatic, and I can move on. But sharing plans with someone? It’s like losing that control. Because it’s not just _my_ life, it’s _our_ life. And this is like- waw- so frustrating.” She ended almost laughing nervously just thinking about it. “And that’s why most of my relationships ended because of me. I just… I don’t know how to share a life. I share the road, but not the car. So that- if the road has to split, I can go my own way still in control of my own journey.”

 

“You need your life to be secured.” Alex tried to help her put into words. “You’re scared to be left alone because of plans that don’t fit the idea of freedom you always wanted.”

 

“Something like that, yeah.” Maggie nodded, almost sorry. “That’s why… parenthood… is such a complicated concept for me.”

 

“But Maggie.” Alex said very softly, not to scar her. “If I may...?" And Maggie nods, telling her she obviously could talk to her. "Being a parent, having a family… it’s not going to take your freedom away. You don’t have to change for it.”

 

“Actually I would have to.” Maggie denied, as gently, with a smile. “That’s like the most important life changing decision someone could ever make. And I like my life, my job, I love being able to go out, and not worry about the food in the fridge because I can just drive to that restaurant in a second, and sleep on Sunday morning as much as I want. I like that I can just go on a weekend in Alaska and come back without anything else being a priority. I like to be able to move, in my life freely. That’s what I always wanted, it was about… doing everything I wanted, without anything or anyone stopping me or judging me.”

 

And she stopped here for a second. It felt weird for her to really let her thoughts go like this. And it was only for Alex. She knew it.

 

“But… You, Alex.” Maggie smiled to her lover. “God, do I love you." She said in a breath, almost a whisper. "I’ve never been as certain about anything else more than I am certain of my love for you. And I-… I mean, yeah, I don’t see myself being a mother. Because again, like my Aunt said, I’m still in my first 50 years of pure freedom and accomplishment. I have so much to do for myself, so much to experience right now, so many places to go. I’m not ready to settle, that way…”

 

Alex took a deep breath. She was feeling a little better about the way Maggie was really thinking about life. It wasn’t about ‘never having a family’, it was about the timing and her own needs and own cares as a human. And she knew she had her reasons, everybody comes from somewhere.

And Maggie slides her fingers between Alex’s to take her hands toward her, smiling.

 

“So yes, picturing a family is…blurry.” Maggie said laughing a little. “At least for now it is. But Alex… My love for you is so real and so unlimited in time… I can never doubt it, ever.”

 

“And I love you unlimitedly too.” Alex told her with eyes full of pure feelings.

 

“Do you remember when we talked about the firsts ?” Maggie then asked her.

 

“When I was drowning in a tank ?” the brunette asked a funny voice.

 

“There aren’t a lot of scenarios here.”

 

They laughed to each other, then came back to the real stuff.

 

“All the firsts, you said you wanted to have them all with me.” Maggie reminded.

 

Alex nodded, she remembered that night at the DEO, when they first said, ‘I love you’. Magical night.

 

“Well I want to have them all with you too.” Maggie smiled to her. “Because we can have it all, together. I want to have it all, and I want you to have it all… The freedom to experience everything life can offer. Because really... I don't think you allowed yourself to really dive in the freedom. So just… let’s start having it all. But starting with giving you the chance to live how you always selfishly wanted? I mean you've been bounded to the DEO before your 15th birthday. You had to be your Alien sister's anchor and followed her everywhere. Your job is tight to her... I mean, I don't think you know what it really is to be in control of your life and to have the freedom to experience life for yourself...?"

 

Alex had never seen things from this angle. Maggie was right. Maybe she should start her own life before raising new ones. She wanted to tell amazing unique stories to her kids. Share her experience of life. But what did she have to share personally that didn't involve her sister or her job ? Surely Maggie already had a lot more to tell.

She didn't even need to put it into words. Maggie could see she triggered a thought process in Alex's mind. So she softly caressed her hand, and kept telling her all  the things she had to say.

 

"But let's not rush into things this time... Let’s take our time, for us to evolve. Let’s go places we’ve never been and eat food we didn’t know even existed… Let’s start this again, you and me, and give each other time to grow, and to really be on the same page. To be our own experiences. It all started with me showing you that happiness was possible, that freedom of feeling desire and being wanted was possible, that you could have a full, real, and happy life. That you didn’t have to force boundaries on yourself just because of the fear of others…”

 

“You sure did.” Alex smiled, very grateful and happy for herself.

 

“Well now… Maybe I have to work on letting myself open to you, for real. Like you did with me. And just see what you can bring to my perspectives. How you can help me become a better person, with a more opened heart. I know I'm not exactly good with opening up, and that it is one of the issue. But I'm ready to work a little bit on that. With you by my side, if you want it too."

 

"I do, I want it. I want you, Maggie. I know I said it wrong the last time, I made you feel rejected and unwanted... But I want you, so much."

 

"You really do?" Maggie said, almost as a question."

 

"Really."

 

They smiled at each other.

 

"Just…" and Maggie bit her lip, as she was trying to say it right. "Be patient with me, on the whole… kids, subject…? I know how important this is to you, and I understand it.”

 

“I’ll never force you to do anything.” Alex said again, really wanting to reassure her on this. “I will be as gentle, and as careful as you were with me when I couldn't see myself ever being happy with someone the way that I do today. And on all the other aspects of life we could see. I promise.”

 

So they hugged, as a symbol of mutual support and of deep respect of each other’s person, as individuals who were about to learn from one another and grow together.

 

“And I’ll wait for you to be with me on the Vegan ice-cream.” Maggie said still hugging her.

 

“Yeah, right, sure can count on that one Babe…”

 

And they both started to laugh again, because it was funny, sure, but also because they were ready to be patient with each other.  
And they hugged very gently, with love.

 

“Just- maybe not in 50 years? You know...?” said Alex with a smile.

 

"Oh no, Aunty is just a little hyperbolic sometimes. It's just her way to make you understand a point... And right now with this wine? I can’t even predict where we’ll be tomorrow morning so...” Maggie said laying back on Alex’s lap.

 

“Oh I can do the wine’s job better.” The tall brunette answered with a smirk, caressing the soft hair. "You and me." She kissed her. "Over there." She kissed her. "In the bed." She kissed again.

 

"Oh I want to be there in 10 minutes..." Maggie whispered, taking Alex by the neck and bringing her for another stronger kiss.

 

 

They were starting fresh, for the better. Experiencing the rushed passion will now help them appreciate the slow growth of their love story. Treating their relationship with more depth and be more opened to talk about their personal expectations and their commitment to each other as life partners.  
And they were not worried, because this would work both ways. Two individuals, sharing a whole lots of life experiences together, and creating new ones.

A lifetime of firsts ahead of them.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PHEEEEEW !!!  
> It was complicated to make it work for both of them, as they have different perspectives on how to think about their lives. That's why the end is very open to possibilities. I just wanted them to learn from each other, understand each other, and grow as individuals together.
> 
> The End(game).  
> Hope you liked it !!


End file.
